Diplomacy
It's damn tiring to be tactful and apologetic about leaving my temp job.
I shouldn't be, I know. But I can't help but feel bad, that while they were eager to rope me in full time to handle an up-and-coming project, my intention has always been to do something else. I thought I have appeared aloof and detached enough, but seems like they are more enthusiastic than I imagined.
I wonder, whether I should have been more firm and heartless in saying no, rather than apologizing and even sitting there listening to the boss talk about his business vision? You see, I didn't mind listening, but I was really wasting his time.
They have a training session tomorrow with the partner of the project supposedly to be under my care, and still, they are asking me to go for the training. I don't want to, because although I'll get to see something, it will be a waste of all our time!
Just want to pull this through without hurting the friendships. I'm really afraid, that for wanting to spare them the further "led on" feeling, I'll snap. Snap as in behaving badly, or saying ill-thought-through things. And then I'll end up feeling lousy about myself, just like how I feel everytime I fail to wrap things up nicely.
Deja vu. When I was 19* and had left my Buddhist welfare services job for studies, and the nun would get her staff to page me 30 times in an hour, just to get me to commit my holidays working part-time for her. I was more interested in interhall games and reading my holiday away, but didn't know how to tell her "no" nicely and still get my way. Anyway, she wasn't one who took "no" easily, and was insistent that I do admin work at her organization. Things between us ended up rather awry, and I bet she still hates me now. I hate myself, still do too, for not being more sacrificial in spirit. Or at least, more tactful for my lack of it.
I am extremely disturbed these few days thinking about how to say things, because I don't want to be an insolent kid anymore. For a change. They say, life's lessons will keep repeating, until you learn. I want to get this lesson off my back and go learn other things.
Ohh, all you natural diplomats! How do you ever do it?!
*my 19 year-old past is haunting me badly these days.
I shouldn't be, I know. But I can't help but feel bad, that while they were eager to rope me in full time to handle an up-and-coming project, my intention has always been to do something else. I thought I have appeared aloof and detached enough, but seems like they are more enthusiastic than I imagined.
I wonder, whether I should have been more firm and heartless in saying no, rather than apologizing and even sitting there listening to the boss talk about his business vision? You see, I didn't mind listening, but I was really wasting his time.
They have a training session tomorrow with the partner of the project supposedly to be under my care, and still, they are asking me to go for the training. I don't want to, because although I'll get to see something, it will be a waste of all our time!
Just want to pull this through without hurting the friendships. I'm really afraid, that for wanting to spare them the further "led on" feeling, I'll snap. Snap as in behaving badly, or saying ill-thought-through things. And then I'll end up feeling lousy about myself, just like how I feel everytime I fail to wrap things up nicely.
Deja vu. When I was 19* and had left my Buddhist welfare services job for studies, and the nun would get her staff to page me 30 times in an hour, just to get me to commit my holidays working part-time for her. I was more interested in interhall games and reading my holiday away, but didn't know how to tell her "no" nicely and still get my way. Anyway, she wasn't one who took "no" easily, and was insistent that I do admin work at her organization. Things between us ended up rather awry, and I bet she still hates me now. I hate myself, still do too, for not being more sacrificial in spirit. Or at least, more tactful for my lack of it.
I am extremely disturbed these few days thinking about how to say things, because I don't want to be an insolent kid anymore. For a change. They say, life's lessons will keep repeating, until you learn. I want to get this lesson off my back and go learn other things.
Ohh, all you natural diplomats! How do you ever do it?!
*my 19 year-old past is haunting me badly these days.
posted by kite @ 9/28/2004 01:47:00 am
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